A Woman’s Choice to Live With Her Husband in Paradise

Question

Dear scholars, As-salamu `alaykum. I am a married woman and I have children. My husband is ill-tempered and has bad morals. I bear my life with him patiently, satisfied with what Almighty Allah has predestined for me. But I would like to ask if I am to get a reward from Almighty Allah for my patience in this regard. As well as this, I would like to know if Almighty Allah may compensate me with a better husband in Paradise, for I do not want to be married to my current husband in the Hereafter. In fact, I always pray to Almighty Allah that He will not make me a wife of my current husband in the Hereafter. Is that possible? Jazakum Allah khayran.

Answer

Wa `alaykum as-salamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger. Dear questioner, we would like to say that we are impressed by your question, which emanates from a thoughtful heart. May Allah Almighty help us all adhere to the principles of this true religion, Islam, and enable us to be among the dwellers of Paradise in the Hereafter, Amen. Allah Almighty greatly rewards those parents who are keen on bringing up their children on Islamic principles. This is a responsibility that is to be shared by both the mother and the father. A father who neglects his responsibilities will be considered sinful, and the wife who patiently bears her husband’s bad morals for her children’s sake will be greatly rewarded by Almighty Allah. Concerning a wife’s remaining a spouse to her current husband in Paradise, this will be her choice. She can choose whether to remain with him or not. Allah the Almighty will give her whatever she chooses in Paradise. But we would like to tell her that people’s characteristics will change for the better in Paradise and Almighty Allah will free them of all bad feelings, especially malice and hatred. In this regard, Sheikh Faysal Mawlawi, Deputy Chairman of the European Council for Fatwa and Research, states the following: Generally speaking, a mother who brings up her children well under ordinary circumstances, [that is, helped in this regard by a caring husband] will be rewarded for this. If this is the case in general, with all the more reason the reward will be even greater for a mother who raises her children well under difficult circumstances. The reward of a mother who patiently endures her difficult life with an uncaring husband so that she can spare her children the repercussions of family disintegration, will be doubled. It was reported that `A’ishah, Mother of the Believers (may Allah be pleased with her), said: “A woman with two (young) daughters came to me asking for something to eat. I had nothing then to give her but one date. She took the date and divided it between her daughters, leaving nothing for herself. Then she stood up and left. When the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) came I told him about this. He (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “A person whom Allah tests with (giving him) daughters and he treats them kindly [and brings them up well], they will be a shield for him against the Fire” (Agreed upon by Al-Bukhari and Muslim). According to another version of this hadith, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Allah Almighty will admit this woman in Paradise” or “Will keep her away from the Fire” (Riyad As-Salihin). This clearly shows that Paradise is the (supreme) reward for looking after one’s children and protecting them against (family) disintegration. I beseech Almighty Allah that you, dear sister, be one of those whom Almighty Allah will admit into Paradise for this reason. As for the father who neglects his parental duties towards his children, Almighty Allah will bring him to account for this, and his account will be more severe if his neglect includes failing to provide for their sustenance. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “It is a sufficient sin for a person to neglect his duties towards those whom he is responsible to provide for.” At the same time it is to be borne in mind that the husband’s duties are not confined to providing for his dependents financially; it also includes bringing them up according to Islamic morals and enjoining them to abide by Almighty Allah’s teachings. Imam Ibn Abu Gamrah, an eminent scholar, criticized the scholars who always tackle a father’s responsibility towards his family only in terms of his obligation to provide them with a dwelling place and a means of sustenance, while disregarding his responsibility to enjoin on them obedience to Almighty Allah. According to Imam Ibn Abu Gamrah, the man’s responsibility for guiding his family to the right path is to be given priority over providing them with food, a dwelling place, and so on, especially since he may not be accounted for the obligation of providing for them if he really cannot afford to do so, but he is not to be exempted from the responsibility of guiding them to the right path at any rate (Bahjat An-Nufus, vol. 2, p. 47). There are many verses and hadiths that prohibit a husband abusing or mistreating his wife. Allah Almighty says, (And treat them kindly) (An-Nisa’ 4: 19). Regarding the sister’s desire to not be with her current husband in Paradise, may Almighty Allah make us and her among its dwellers, it is known that the believers will lead a happy and luxurious life in Paradise and that, according to the Qur’an, they will have all that they choose. Based on this, it cannot be said that a woman will be compelled to be a wife of a certain person in Paradise. This is not compatible with the absolute happiness that believers are to enjoy there. Life in Paradise is based on satisfying its dwellers. The issue of a woman’s choice of a husband in Paradise was also examined by Imam Al-Qurtubi in his At-Tadhkirah fi Ahwal Al-Mawta wa 'Umur Al-Akhirah, (vol. 2, p. 640). He cited many reports about the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) and the Companions (may Allah be pleased with all of them). But the aspect in which Imam Al-Qurtubi handled the issue was with regard to those women who married more than once in this world. Which husband would they live with in Paradise? According to him, this will be based on their choice and the kind treatment of the husbands in this world. However, it is to be mentioned that the conditions and personality of the people in Paradise are not to be compared to those of the people in this world. One’s conditions change completely in Paradise. A person in Paradise will be a symbol of purity and mildness. There will be no room for arrogance, malice, hatred, and other such negative qualities.